Sweetheart Scams: When "Love" Comes With A Hidden Cost
The holidays are meant to feel warm and connected, a time when people look for comfort, companionship and someone to care about. But for scammers, this season can become an opportunity to prey on those feelings. Romance, or “sweetheart,” scams don’t begin with a request for money. They begin with something much softer - attention, patience and the feeling of being truly heard.
It can look like someone checking in every morning to say “good morning,” or remembering small details you shared about your day. It can look like long conversations about the future and promises to “finally meet after the holidays.” The scammer creates emotional safety before ever asking for anything. By the time the “crisis” appears - a family emergency, a blocked bank account, a plane ticket they suddenly can’t pay for - the victim already feels a strong bond and wants to help.
That’s why these scams are so powerful: people don’t believe they’re talking to a criminal. They believe they are supporting someone they care about.
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What to Look Out For
- A quick move to emotional intimacy: They speak as if you share a deep connection right away, often talking about love or a future together before you’ve even met.
- Little or no in-person or video contact: They have endless reasons why they can’t appear on camera - poor service, broken phone, traveling for work, or being overseas.
- A sudden crisis that needs money: Once trust is firmly in place, an “unexpected emergency” appears, often wrapped in urgency or emotional vulnerability.
- Unusual payment requests: They ask for cryptocurrency, wire transfers, or gift cards, anything that can’t be traced or reversed.
How to Protect Yourself
- Trust your instincts, especially when something feels rushed: Real relationships don’t rely on pressure, guilt, or dramatic timelines.
- Never send money to someone you haven’t met in person: If they truly care about you, they wouldn’t put you in financial danger.
- Talk to someone outside the relationship: A friend or trusted family member can help you see red flags you might be too close to notice.
- Pause before reacting to a crisis: Scammers count on panic and emotion. Slowing down protects both your heart and your wallet.
Romance scams hurt not only because of money lost, but because they exploit hope, trust and the longing for connection - feelings that are especially strong during the holidays. People who fall victim aren’t careless, they were looking for comfort, companionship and a little holiday cheer.
If you think you may have inadvertently shared your personal information with a scammer, please reach out to us right away. You can call us at (805) 733-7600, visit your nearest branch, send a secure message through mobile or online banking, or use the phone number on the back of your debit or credit card.
We also encourage you to share this information with vulnerable friends or family members - especially older adults - who may be more at risk of this type of scam. A quick conversation could help protect someone you care about.